Golf (Famicom/NES, 1984) – #0014

 

 

GOLF

 

PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Nintendo

RELEASE DATE: 05/01/1984 (JP), 10/18/1985 (US), 11/15/1986 (EU)

ALSO ON: Arcade, Famicom Disk System, Game Boy, NEC PC-88, Sharp X1, e-Reader Nintendo Switch

FEATURED IN: Animal Crossing (Gamecube, 2002)

 

Golf is a pure experience. There’s no commentary, no music, no people on the side snickering or sighing when you hit the ball into the bunker. As you stare at each hole, wondering which club you should use, the silence is deafening; even the birds shut their beaks before you take your shot. The game features eighteen holes, standard-issue clubs, and mandatory polo shirt and slacks. Mario even looks like a real human this time. The implication is clear: take Golf seriously.

 

Let’s hope the ball decides to veer left.

 

This is not difficult to do. Every feature of Golf is sublime. The silence keeps you focused. Mario’s supple frame both amuses and empowers. The hole layouts are simple enough for beginners, but will take time and practice to master. The controls are simple and intuitive. The game also never tells you which club to use, encouraging you to sample and explore.

 

Mario golfs dangerously.

 

The power meter is the real revelation here. The further back the meter goes, the more distance the ball will fly. Hit ‘A’ when the meter enters the white lines and you’ll have an incredibly powerful shot. With practice and patience, you and the power meter can become one. From there, Golf elevates to a whole new level. You’ll hit shots you didn’t know were possible. Your hair will radiate a golden glow. You’ll feel like the Grand Duchy of the original Nintendo Golf Course.

 

“But if I used a fire flower, I could carve a path through those trees…”

 

If Golf has a fault, it’s that putting isn’t the fairest of practices. It’s entirely possible to shoot the ball directly over the hole and it not go in. The game only recognizes the ball entering the hole if you tap it in or if it gently rolls into the hole. Any forward momentum of any kind, and the ball will roll right past/over the hole. Plan your putts accordingly.

 

Not shown: Mario breaking his putter in twain.

 

Awkward putting is no reason to write off one of Nintendo’s earliest treasures. Our fathers and grandfathers didn’t run Golf into the ground because they weren’t sure what to do with their free time. Golf was their getaway from the rat race of life. Silence. Strategy. Virtual links from the comfort of their living room. All the things that bored us as kids. And yet, the older I get, the more attractive the aforementioned features become. Nintendo doesn’t always know how to cater to adults, but Golf remains an absolute eagle.

 

A-

 

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Third Star

THANK YOU for giving GOLF love. Like you’ve said, it is pure experience. Over the past decade or so, I’ve really gotten into golf games. NES, GB, Neo Geo, PS1, PS2 (Outlaw is amazing 🙂 Now, of course, I have no interest in real, physical golf. None. I suck at mini-golf alone, and that’s just for some date night. But anyways, if you approach these games as a puzzle, they really start to shine – this one, especially. It’s all about getting that ball in the hole, and your options – club, power, angle, whatever, wind or something, all affect your objective, or… the solution to that puzzle. GOLF here, really shines in that aspect. It’s simple, calming, non-pretentious, non-golf “nerd” baloney, just FUN. I love the artistic minimalism. The 2600 sounds. The majesty of the course – when you’re playing it in mid-January, all of that grass, blue skies, the gentle wind are such a clash with the gray, rain, cold and ugly, you long to become this Mario. You’re fat, happy and outdoors where the air is sweet, and uh.. apparently so is the pie.